Lunatic

I have to say- the last couple days have made me feel like a lunatic! I keep thinking that labor might actually be starting... and it doesn't. I start to worry about when I last felt the baby move... and then he moves (thank goodness). I keep "noticing" things that are possibly bad signs... and google it, which only worries me more. Then luckily I call my friend Kimberly, a doula and a "birth veteran" (my term) and feel a little bit better. I worry about when to call my midwife... it just never ends! Please reassure me I am just being a typical, worrisome, clueless first-time birher!

Lifelong Learning

As most of you have probably seen, there are many "Top 5" lists going around on Facebook- top 5 celebrity crushes, top 5 movies, etc. Well, my boss did one that really made me think, so I decided to do it. It was "Top 5 things I'd go back to school to study if money and time were no object." While I loved studying English Literature, I decided on other subjects.

The first one was gender studies. I took a gender studies class last fall and LOVED it. Of course, it was called a GS class but it was so much more. We also looked at race and class among other things. I have been amazed how much of it I have been able to apply to other things. Such as my pregnancy, for example. Until the 20th century, birth was solely a female affair. While I am glad aspects of that have changed (husbands being allowed in the room), I have come to believe that many male doctors are allowing women to lose faith in themselves and in their innately female ability to give birth. Anyways...

The next subject I picked was political studies. I just got so interested in politics this last presidental election. And that interest has not abated yet.

For obvious reasons, the fourth and fifth subjects I picked were child development and midwifery. I have really enjoyed experiencing the process of pregnancy and would love to help others through it, and I would love to learn about child development to aid in being a good parent.

The third subject I chose was civil rights in America. Luckily, as with many topics, I do not have to return to school to learn about this. In fact, I've already started. About a month ago, I started losing interest in books. I would start them but not be able to get more than 10 pages in. I'm sure some of it was just taking a break because of being finally done with school. The rest of it was preoccupation with all the things going on in my life- moving and preparing for the baby. Well, I was at work checking in one day and I checked in a book called Why We Can't Wait by Martin Luther King, Jr. It was on hold for someone, so I couldn't check it out then. I put it on hold myself and got it last week. Oh my gosh...his eloquence and power with words will NEVER cease to astound me. The book is specifically about the summer of 1963 and all the demonstrations that took place in Birmingham, Alabama. I have a hard time believing he accomplished so much good in his short life, and I just have to wonder how much more he could have done had his life not been ended prematurely. It was sad to see how much of what he wrote in that book could still be true today. This was one of my favorite quotes:

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. Never again can we afford to live with the narrow, provincial “outside agitator” idea. Anyone who lives inside the United States can never be considered an outsider anywhere within its bounds.” (65)

I also enjoyed the story he shared of a cook during the bus boycotts: "During the Montgomery bus boycott, a white family summoned their Negro cook and asked her if she supported the terrible things the Negroes were doing, boycotting buses and demanding jobs. "Oh no, ma'am, I won't have anything to do with that boycott thing," the cook said. "I am just going to stay away from the buses as long as that trouble is going on." No doubt she left a satisfied audience. But as she walked home from her job, on feet already weary from a full day's work, she walked proudly, knowing that she was marching with a movement that would bring into being nonsegregated bus travel in Montgomery." (14-15)

I'm glad I actually finished a book in June that was not related to pregnancy or birth, and I'm glad I took advantage of the opportunity to learn. Schools and teachers are amazing, but so are books and the internet.

Baby Bishop's Room

Now...we probably won't decide on his name for sure until after he is born, but at least his room is finished and ready for whenever (hopefully soon) he decides to make his arrival. Here are some pictures:

Showered

My post title works in two ways.

First off, I know others are complaining about the rain and wishing for more summer-like weather. Not me! It's been nice to have cooler temperatures during these last few weeks.

Secondly, had two amazing showers thrown for me this weekend. On Friday, my work had a shower for me after we closed the library. M work has been so accomadating. This last week was my last full week. I'll be working as I wish up until the birth, but at most two days a week. I'm so grateful to my co-workers for being so kind, and I am extremely thankful for how well things have worked out with insurance and taking my leave. On Saturday, my Mom and my sister threw a shower for me. They worked so hard on it. They've been amazingly supportive my whole pregnancy. It was so nice to see so many of my family and friends.

Now that the two straight weekends of childbirth classes and showers are over, I can finally get the baby's room together, as well as everything else I need to do such as finishing up my birth plan, installing the car seat, packing for the hospital, and maybe even finally deciding on a name! especially since my midwife says there is a chance (not sharing the reasoning behind it-TMI) I could have him in June, which would be a week early. I'm trying to not get too excited, because I could of course still go past my due date, but it would be nice to have him a little early.

Flashback to the 90s

Totally awesome! No, seriously, this was so fun to watch. I especially loved the "time outs" and the huge cell phone. And of course the clothes! I swear...this show took up my afternoons more times than I could count.

Random baby post

1- We took our childbirth prep class this weekend. There was some good info, and I loved the massage stuff. At the same time, however, I somewhat agree with a quote the teacher actually had one of us read out loud that said something to the effect of how silly it is we read all these books and do all these things (which would technically include her class) to prepare for natural childbirth. It actually makes sense. I've read tons of books, gone to the class, watched a video, discussed it all with my midwife, but when it comes down to it...hopefully my body just knows what to do and what it and the baby needs. Women have been giving birth forever, so I realize I just need to trust in my body and my female strength.

2- The baby's room got painted today! It needs a little touch-up apparently, but tomorrow or Tuesday we can start moving stuff in and getting it ready. Woohoo!

3- I had a stranger (one of my sister's coworkers) touch my belly for the first time. Just as awkward as everyone warned me! Hopefully it doesn't happen again before I have the baby...only a month left!

Woohoo!

Apparently there is a guy out there that somewhat understands all the hormonal crap we go through as women. Although no guys read my blog as far as I know, I thought I would share the link here so you could all have your hubbies read it. I know I'm having mine read it when he gets home! :)

Censorship

This link has been making the rounds on some literature-related sites I read. Basically, it's about a teenager whose school (probably a private school) bans a lot of books, and she or he has decided to keep a mini-library composed of these "banned" books for other students.

I, like many others, think this is great. One way I am already like a librarian is that I am very against censorship. It may be stupid, but when the whole controversy with The Golden Compass was going on, and those e-mails about boycotting it were making the rounds, it made me annoyed enough to read the book and see the movie. I'm sorry...I'm an adult and no one can choose the books I read or do not read. Only parents have the right to censor media for their children. What is silly is that people will continually complain about the books we carry in the library that are about sex. Instead of coming to the library with their child and staying with them, they simply complain to try to get it pulled off the shelf. Parents need to take more responsibility and not just try to take things away for everyone else. Anyways, rant over about general censorship.

In this specific incident, some of the books listed that are banned just astound me. Many of these were required reading for me. And banning the Qu'ran? Why would we need to ban a religious text? And The Hunger Games? Sure, it is violent and also contains instances of teens being subversive against their government so I can see why the school is probably against it, but it may be my favorite book I have read this year, and I think it is one of the best YA fiction books released recently. I just wish schools and some adults for that matter would realize it is good to teach teens to think for themselves and to read all that they can.

Black and white

I read an extremely moving article in the Salt Lake Tribune yesterday that taught me a very important lesson.

In short, a former U of U professor was in an accident that nearly ended his life. His wife just happens to be a medical ethicist who has spent her entire career exploring end-of-life issues such as euthanasia and DNR orders. She has written numerous essays and given multiple speeches on these very topics, and she thought she knew exactly how she felt on the subject. But a subject that had always been abstract suddenly turned personal. The article by Peggy Fletcher Stack is so well-written. Here are some quotes I especially liked:

She knew by heart the arguments for not resuscitating fatally injured patients. She had defended vigorously a person's right to be the final architect of his own death. Yet she also knew her husband well enough to believe he would want to live even if completely paralyzed. But what if he hadn't? Could she have signed a do-not-resuscitate order? Or worse, if he asked her to help him end his life, could she have done it?

Hopkins' life-altering accident on Nov. 14, Battin says, "has presented me more than an intellectual challenge to the views I've been defending over the years. It is a deeply personal, profoundly self-confronting challenge."

At first after an accident, many people with spinal-cord injuries say they want to die. Research shows that if they make it to the end of the first year, most are ready to embrace life as it is. Even in his darkest moments, Hopkins has never wanted to end his life. He has a fierce desire to continue on, seeing his limitations as an "adventure."

But what if he told Battin he couldn't go on?

"You can't imagine anything more intensely personal, because I love this person," she says, her voice cracking, tears in her eyes. "But there are two components to love -- love is partly wanting to be with him, but it's also wanting what's best for him and wanting to want what he wants. What he wants and needs might be different from my self-interests."

This article taught me that you can ponder and debate an issue all you want, and say that you know exactly what you would do or want done in that situation, but you really don't know until you are placed in the situation. She fully admits that even though she has argued for a person's right to die, if her husband had wanted to die she wouldn't know if she could help him gain that right. Their story is very moving, and it can be followed more in depth at their blog site.

I just want to always remember that things are not necessarily black and white. There is grey area, and you may not see that area until you are in the situation yourself.