What mothers do

Honestly, it must have been fate. I can usually remember if someone specific recommends a book to me, but all I can think is that I found this book browsing on Goodreads. Thank goodness. Based on the title, I was expecting a feel-good book about motherhood. It was that, but it was also so much more. This book might be worth your while...

If you've ever felt like you do nothing all day at home with your baby.

"Has the time simply "gone?" Even now, as we look at her, you and I can clearly see that she is being present for her baby. She has given up her shower and her lunch. She is devoting her time and energy to him. We are looking at a baby who is being generously mothered. But most people would find it hard to explain this. Our language can be very clear and precise about anything practical. A person who has "tidied up" has both the words and a tidy area to show for it. It is much harder to find a word that describes the giving-up-things mode of attention a mother is giving to her baby."

If you wonder why motherhood looks so effortless for others and is so hard for you.

"A woman in the first shock of love is expected to be dreamy and forgetful. A person bereaved is expected to feel lonely and tearful. Mothers may be given a "warming-up" period of a couple of weeks. After that, they are usually expected to be calm and capable. Would it not be much more realistic to expect new mothers to be unprepared, anxious, confused, and very emotional for at least the first six months? If we could accept that this beginning is the norm for most new mothers, we would be in a better position to be supportive and respectful."

If you enjoy commiserating with other moms, but feel a twinge of regret when the advice begins. If you're guilty of dispensing unasked-for advice (I know I am).

"Rarely is it necessary to tell a mother what to do. It may demoralize her further, and it certainly does not help her to learn. A mother needs to feel safe enough to risk feeling uncertain. People who offer advice cannot know all the details of her situation. They also don't usually have to live with the long-term consequences of their advice. A mother needs time to "grow" into parenthood, together with her partner. She needs enough confidence to experiment and change her mind a few times. She needs to learn that some of her ideas work. The most uncertain and under-confident beginner can gradually turn herself into a unique mother."

Troy Davis

I have kept myself busy all day, but it's been a very sobering, heavy heart kind of day for me. I just learned yesterday about a man named Troy Davis. This New York Times editorial is where I first learned about him and his case.He is a Georgia state inmate facing the death penalty for killing a police officer. His execution has been scheduled and then postponed for appeals four times.

His execution was scheduled for four hours ago, but there was a (very) last-minute temporary stay from the Supreme Court. As I write this, the Supreme Court has decided not to block the execution any longer. It is set to take place in the next half an hour.

I don't know whether he is guilty or innocent, but the case against him has many problems. The case lacks much physical evidence and is mostly based on the testimony of nine eyewitnesses. From the editorial:

The Savannah police contaminated the memories of four witnesses by re-enacting the crime with them present so that their individual perceptions were turned into a group one

The police showed some of the witnesses Mr. Davis’s photograph even before the lineup.

His lineup picture was set apart by a different background.

The lineup was also administered by a police officer involved in the investigation, increasing the potential for influencing the witnesses.       

Seven of nine witnesses against Mr. Davis recanted after trial.

Six said the police threatened them if they did not identify Mr. Davis.

The man who first told the police that Mr. Davis was the shooter later confessed to the crime (and is one of the two eyewitnesses who did not recant).

The United States should not be on this list of countries that still practice the death penalty. I'm not up on my geography, so tell me if I am wrong, but the U.S. appears to be one of two developed countries (Japan being the other).

I'm categorically against the death penalty, but realize it probably will not be repealed. That aside, I think it is reprehensible that a man is being executed when there is this much doubt.

I am not proud to be an American today.

Birthday #2

This is super late, I know. Brayden turned two on July 2nd, right in the middle of the six week long flare-up. Because of that, his party was really low-key. We had it at a nearby park, we ordered pizza and I made cupcakes.

It scared me to death to let him on that tire swing (overprotective mom), but he loved it.

He got way too many presents. His favorite was probably a Leapfrog Laptop. My favorite was a 6 week pass to Gymboree. We'll use it this winter when we're cooped up inside.

I have to catch my breath every time I see close-up pictures like this of him. I just love his little face.

I love 2!

I know, I know, I shouldn't love 2. The 2s are infamous for being terrible. I was a nanny for twin two year olds, and I'm sure I threw the phrase around then as well as when my nephews or nieces hit that age. Not I'm not quite sure why, because we're having a blast.

-He's so independent at some things, but still really dependent too. That might be part of why people say it's a hard age. I will admit annoyance at hearing "I do it!" when I try to put Brayden in his carseat when we're in a rush. Really, though, it goes so much better if I plan ahead so he can climb up himself.

-Brayden is obsessed with the alphabet. B is his favorite. He asks us to write "B, B, B" on his Etch-a-Sketch over and over again. Wait, I don't really love that part. It is cute though. Right now, he knows B, U, and Z for sure and can also identify A and C most of the time. (I wrote this part when I started this post a month ago. Since then, he has learned to identify all the letters.)

-I could just go on and on about the learning. Two year olds are little sponges. Yes, that means he has repeated something I shouldn't have said once or twice. It also means he can count to 10, he has songs and parts of books memorized.

-I'm finally seeing some independent play. It used to be that I had to put a movie on when I made dinner or cleaned. Sometimes I don't have to now, and that makes me really glad because he watches too much tv as it is.

California- Huntington Beach

Originally, I had wanted to go to the Santa Monica beach and pier. It was too far away, and we had to wait for Andy's training to be over. Andy did some searching online and found out that Huntington Beach was actually pretty close to where we were staying. It doesn't have a pier like Santa Monica, but it was still fun. Brayden pulled the same trick that he did at Disneyland and wasn't happy at first. It was my fault because I took him straight to the water and it was colder than I thought it would be. He cheered up though once he dried off.

Good with the bad- Here's proof of his beach sadness.

And proof that he started to cheer up as he dried off.



Here's proof Andy was on this trip too.

I prefer mountains to the beach, but I admit sunsets at the beach are pretty awesome.

California- Disneyland

Side note: I just realized I never posted about the rest of my California trip! I'll keep these up at the current date for a couple days then move them to May where they belong!

Disneyland- I know Brayden won't remember his first trip to Disneyland. It's probably better that way since Adam wasn't with us. I had so much fun though. I'll admit to a bit of a rough start since Brayden was very cranky while we were in line for our first ride (Finding Nemo). In fact, I nursed him while in the submarine, mostly just to keep him from crying and bothering everyone else. After that, it was better. We went on a good mix of rides everyone could go on and rides only the adults and Jackson got to go on. Adam's brother John who lives in Southern California went with us. I felt a little guilty getting to see Adam's brother when Adam had not seen him since Christmas, but I didn't feel guilty for long. Jackson loved having him around, and it helped to have an equal adult-to-child ratio. Here's some photographic evidence of our trip to Disneyland:

 

Mary Poppins

We went to Mary Poppins on Sunday. It was so fun. I love both the music and the story of a family coming together. This was on my "30 before 30" list. In fact, I've crossed off a few:

3- Make at least one book for Brayden.

24- Buy or make a keepsake box for Brayden to hold trinkets like the hospital bracelets, coming home outfit, etc.

26- Go to a play.

29- Go to the midnight showing for Harry Potter this July.

Life's little joys: Mom edition

-Finishing a book during Brayden's nap
-Blasting the radio the few times I drive somewhere alone
-Not having to share my meal
-Grocery shopping alone
-Going to a movie or play
-Hanging out with a friend without Brayden

The last one is what spurred this post. I got to hang out with my friend Karen today. We've only hung out without Brayden around twice in his two years. I painted my nails. I got a frozen hot chocolate all to myself. It was so relaxing to not have to chase after him in the stores.

I feel guilty for even writing these, like I should say "selfish mom edition." I know I shouldn't though. I spend the majority of my time with Brayden. When I'm not with him, I often miss him. Sometimes, you need a break. For me, these little breaks are things I did OFTEN before Brayden. So it's nice to still go out to a movie sometimes, because I feel like Megan again. For a few hours anyways, then I am dying to be "Momma" again.