What mothers do

Honestly, it must have been fate. I can usually remember if someone specific recommends a book to me, but all I can think is that I found this book browsing on Goodreads. Thank goodness. Based on the title, I was expecting a feel-good book about motherhood. It was that, but it was also so much more. This book might be worth your while...

If you've ever felt like you do nothing all day at home with your baby.

"Has the time simply "gone?" Even now, as we look at her, you and I can clearly see that she is being present for her baby. She has given up her shower and her lunch. She is devoting her time and energy to him. We are looking at a baby who is being generously mothered. But most people would find it hard to explain this. Our language can be very clear and precise about anything practical. A person who has "tidied up" has both the words and a tidy area to show for it. It is much harder to find a word that describes the giving-up-things mode of attention a mother is giving to her baby."

If you wonder why motherhood looks so effortless for others and is so hard for you.

"A woman in the first shock of love is expected to be dreamy and forgetful. A person bereaved is expected to feel lonely and tearful. Mothers may be given a "warming-up" period of a couple of weeks. After that, they are usually expected to be calm and capable. Would it not be much more realistic to expect new mothers to be unprepared, anxious, confused, and very emotional for at least the first six months? If we could accept that this beginning is the norm for most new mothers, we would be in a better position to be supportive and respectful."

If you enjoy commiserating with other moms, but feel a twinge of regret when the advice begins. If you're guilty of dispensing unasked-for advice (I know I am).

"Rarely is it necessary to tell a mother what to do. It may demoralize her further, and it certainly does not help her to learn. A mother needs to feel safe enough to risk feeling uncertain. People who offer advice cannot know all the details of her situation. They also don't usually have to live with the long-term consequences of their advice. A mother needs time to "grow" into parenthood, together with her partner. She needs enough confidence to experiment and change her mind a few times. She needs to learn that some of her ideas work. The most uncertain and under-confident beginner can gradually turn herself into a unique mother."