Extended rear-facing

Parenting is hard. There are so many choices to make, and I'm often left wondering if I made the wrong choice. Take car seats, for example. The American Academy of Pediatrics has said for awhile now to keep your child rear-facing until the age of 2 or until they reach the height/weight guidelines for their car seat. This isn't law, just recommendations. Recommendations that I believe in because I have read some of the research myself (there are a few AAP guidelines that I haven't followed).

Brayden turned 2 in July, and we kept him rear-facing. Adam switched him a month ago, even though he's still five pounds away from the weight limit. It didn't feel right to me, but I let him stay forward-facing. Until yesterday, that is. I was driving by myself with Brayden and it hit me. Something was happening that was making it unsafe for him to stay forward-facing, at least for right now.

He's in the typical two year old "the world is all about me" phase. One aspect of that plays out with him saying "Look at me, mama" or playing peek-a-boo by covering his face and saying "Where's Brayden?" He's doing it in the car now, and even if I say "Mommy's driving," he continues demanding my attention. I decided to switch him back and see if that would get him to stop. It did.

I'll fully admit that part of it was my fault. In attempting to make myself okay with it, I tried to make it fun for me. I'd push that little thing on the windshield to make it so I could see him and he could see me. Obviously that has led to him thinking that it's okay for me to pay a lot of attention to him while I am driving.

So, he's back to rear-facing. And I don't think this will be a decision I second-guess.

Things I've heard a lot lately

"Brayden be Woody Halloween. Jack be Buzz Halloween. Sophie be butterfly Halloween."

"Play me, mom."

"Brayden want ______, mom."

"Wait Brayden, mom."

"Not yet, mom."

"Don't touch that, mom."

"Look at me, Mama."

"Where's Brayden at? Right here!" (2 year old version of peek-a-boo)

"No, Brayden do it!"

"Help me, mom." or "Brayden want help, mom."

"Don't do that, mom."

"Tickle back, please."

"Momma lap."

"No, mom."

"Hold hand, mom."

Ten on Tuesday

1- November is known as NaNoWrMo, or National Novel Writing Month. Someone somewhere along the line crafted a spin-off called NaBloPoMo. or National Blog Posting Month. I'm going to try to do it- one post a day, even if it's just a picture or quote some days

2- We went up to Park City a few weeks ago. It was such a nice Saturday. We ate breakfast at Ruth's Diner and drove up Emigration Canyon to I-80. We walked up and down Main Street, saw a Banksy, stopped in at two bookstores (my favorite kind of stores), and took the free trolley. Brayden LOVED that trolley. We took Guardsman pass and Big Cottonwood Canyon the way back.

3- I just finished rereading The New York Mormon Singles Halloween Dance by Elna Baker. I really enjoy this book. I think she's a good writer and I find it refreshing when people are honest about the religious struggles they have. After checking it out of the library to read twice in two years, I think it's one I want to own.

4- I am really enjoying the books my book club has chosen. We take turns choosing and end up with a really good variety. Many times, it's a book I wouldn't have gotten to otherwise like The Children's Book by A.S. Byatt or As Nature Made Him by John Colapinto. This month, we are reading Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman.

5- I made Brayden a Halloween sensory bin. He has really spent a lot of time playing with it. I got the idea from various bloggers and Pinterest. I can't wait to make a Thanksgiving one.

 

6- I don't need another news show to watch, but I watched last night's Rock Center with Brian Williams during Brayden's nap. I really like Brian Williams. I'll probably try to catch it when I'm home. His first guest was Jon Stewart, and you all know how much I love him.

7- I've been watching Parenthood on Netflix instant streaming. Good show.

8- We had our nephew Jack sleep over on Friday night. I'm just going to say it- Jack and Brayden stayed up really, really late (3:00 am late). And made a huge mess. They had a blast though, and both of them helped Adam clean the next morning.

9- There's a city council race in Midvale making news. I haven't written on it, but it's made both big newspapers and Fox 13, at least. It's weird to not be able to write about it. I'm really interested in the outcome though. One more week.

10- My family had a Halloween party on Sunday night. We've got the Black Spiderman (does he have a name other than that?), Luigi, a butterfly, Woody, and Buzz.

Busy bag exchange

I hosted a busy bag exchange last week and it was a big success.

It all started with Pinterest, as many of my current ideas do. I started seeing busy bag activities getting pinned left and right, especially by a blogger/pinner/tweeter I like- Emily Kate. She posted on her blog that she was going to have a local exchange and was kind enough to share the sign-up list she painstakingly compiled. I decided to have my own. I opened it up to my Facebook friends with kids in the toddler and preschool ages. Then it got a little scary. I also invited people on a new homeschooling board I joined and allowed my friends to invite their friends, people I had never met. All my worry was for naught because everyone came through in a big way.

Bring it, winter! Here are just a few of the 24 toddler and preschool activities I now have on hand to fight winter boredom and television overload.

Reversible felt board and I Spy bottle

Spin and spell

Movable alphabet

What mothers do

Honestly, it must have been fate. I can usually remember if someone specific recommends a book to me, but all I can think is that I found this book browsing on Goodreads. Thank goodness. Based on the title, I was expecting a feel-good book about motherhood. It was that, but it was also so much more. This book might be worth your while...

If you've ever felt like you do nothing all day at home with your baby.

"Has the time simply "gone?" Even now, as we look at her, you and I can clearly see that she is being present for her baby. She has given up her shower and her lunch. She is devoting her time and energy to him. We are looking at a baby who is being generously mothered. But most people would find it hard to explain this. Our language can be very clear and precise about anything practical. A person who has "tidied up" has both the words and a tidy area to show for it. It is much harder to find a word that describes the giving-up-things mode of attention a mother is giving to her baby."

If you wonder why motherhood looks so effortless for others and is so hard for you.

"A woman in the first shock of love is expected to be dreamy and forgetful. A person bereaved is expected to feel lonely and tearful. Mothers may be given a "warming-up" period of a couple of weeks. After that, they are usually expected to be calm and capable. Would it not be much more realistic to expect new mothers to be unprepared, anxious, confused, and very emotional for at least the first six months? If we could accept that this beginning is the norm for most new mothers, we would be in a better position to be supportive and respectful."

If you enjoy commiserating with other moms, but feel a twinge of regret when the advice begins. If you're guilty of dispensing unasked-for advice (I know I am).

"Rarely is it necessary to tell a mother what to do. It may demoralize her further, and it certainly does not help her to learn. A mother needs to feel safe enough to risk feeling uncertain. People who offer advice cannot know all the details of her situation. They also don't usually have to live with the long-term consequences of their advice. A mother needs time to "grow" into parenthood, together with her partner. She needs enough confidence to experiment and change her mind a few times. She needs to learn that some of her ideas work. The most uncertain and under-confident beginner can gradually turn herself into a unique mother."

Life's little joys: Mom edition

-Finishing a book during Brayden's nap
-Blasting the radio the few times I drive somewhere alone
-Not having to share my meal
-Grocery shopping alone
-Going to a movie or play
-Hanging out with a friend without Brayden

The last one is what spurred this post. I got to hang out with my friend Karen today. We've only hung out without Brayden around twice in his two years. I painted my nails. I got a frozen hot chocolate all to myself. It was so relaxing to not have to chase after him in the stores.

I feel guilty for even writing these, like I should say "selfish mom edition." I know I shouldn't though. I spend the majority of my time with Brayden. When I'm not with him, I often miss him. Sometimes, you need a break. For me, these little breaks are things I did OFTEN before Brayden. So it's nice to still go out to a movie sometimes, because I feel like Megan again. For a few hours anyways, then I am dying to be "Momma" again.

Bye, bye baby

Brayden is almost two years old, and I have never been away from him a whole night. He was 11 months when I first thought it might happen. My sister's labor was at night, and I was sure I would be there all night with her. Her labor went fast, however. I'm sure she appreciated that, and I did too. I was there to support her and be present for my niece's arrival, of course, but I have to admit I was relieved that I was home by 1:00am.

Just after Brayden's first birthday, Harry Potter came out. I went to the midnight showing, but I made Adam stay home with Brayden. I put him to bed, then left at 11:00pm and was back by about 3:00 am. I'll be doing the same thing when the last movie comes out next month hopefully.

Soon after that, I won movie tickets and a free night stay at the Castle Creek Inn.  This was in July, and the stay didn't expire until the end of November. I planned on being ready by then, especially since we spent our wedding night (and our 5th anniversary) there. On a whim, I gave the voucher to a friend who took these amazing pictures of our little family. She used them immediately, and her son is just three weeks older than Brayden. I don't know why I gave them up so readily when I was planning on using it later, or why she was ready and I was not.
That's when I started to wonder if something was wrong with me. Ten months later, and I'm still wondering. I don't think I know anyone who has gone two years without a night (or more) away. I'm not bragging about it at all. I'm actually wondering if I am too attached.

I think Brayden would do fine. The people watching him might not get a full night's sleep, but he would be fine for one night. Adam would do fine. Adam has spent multiple nights away from him. It's me who isn't ready.

Am I alone in this??

Top Ten Books For Birth, Breastfeeding and Parenting

Welcome to the March Carnival of Natural Parenting: Natural Parenting Top 10 Lists
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared Top 10 lists on a wide variety of aspects of attachment parenting and natural living. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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I am not a perfect parent in the least. I am not always natural, though I try to be. I've learned so much from others' examples, especially on the internet, but books hold a HUGE part in any education I decide to undertake. With that in mind, I thought it fitting I make my top ten list for the March Carnival of Natural Parenting on the top ten books that have helped me learn and evolve in my parenting journey. Without further ado, here are the gems, separated into categories of birth, breastfeeding and parenting.

Birth

Born in the USA: How a Broken Maternity System Must Be Fixed to Put Women and Children First by Marsden Wagner- This book is the book that ultimately made me realize that the traditional system of birth I had seen my entire life was not the way it should be. It infuriated me. As "developed" as our country is, our maternal mortality rates are too high. His work is very informative, but what it did for me mostly was make me realize things are not as they seem in the gold old USA.

The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer- This book is amazing! She goes through the pros and cons of all the interventions you may face. It was a lot of help to me specifically in giving me information to pass on to people who didn't understand why I was seeing a midwife and why I was trying to have a natural childbirth.

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin- I loved the stories in this book. They gave me strength. After reading this book, I begin to think of myself as a "birth feminist." I saw the feminine power in these women's stories, and I did not want anyone to take that power away from me.

The Business of Being Born (DVD)- This documentary is why I chose a midwife, plain and simple. I know many people saw a focus on homebirth, but I think it is a powerful argument for seeing a midwife over an OB if your pregnancy is not high-risk. The other way this was helpful is that it opened my husband's mind to the idea of natural childbirth. Before we watched it, he was like "No way!" Immediately after, he was accepting of my plan. The same people who made the movie, namely Ricki Lake and Abby Epstein, wrote a companion book called Your Best Birth: Know All Your Options, Discover the Natural Choices, and Take Back the Birth Experience, that I enjoyed reading.

Breastfeeding

The Nursing Mother's Companion by Kathleen Huggins- This book has been by my side for over 20 months, figuratively speaking. I read the section of the beginning stages of breastfeeding before I had Brayden, and then again and again as I was in those trying first days of breastfeeding. It was so helpful.

Ina May's Guide to Breastfeeding by Ina May Gaskin- This is another good informative guide. It didn't come out until after I had breastfeeding well established, but I would recommend it to any nursing mom. I picked it up because Ina May is amazing. A little bit off topic, but I'll say it anyways. She needs to write her memoirs. Her life seems so interesting.

Parenting Okay, I need to note that only one of my parenting book choices specifically ties into natural parenting, but this still have helped me as a parent.

A Family of Readers: The Book Lover's Guide to Children's and Young Adult Literature by Roger Sutton and Martha Parravano- This book is awesome! I love to read, and I want to pass on that love to Brayden. I was able to compile a huge list of recommended reads (let me know if you want to see it). Here are some quotes I think do actually tie in to natural parenting that I noted:

"When a book actively strives to keep the child locked in

childhood relationships and needs, it's not truly a child's

picture book. A doting parent may enjoy a book about a

little bunny whose mission in life is to tell his mommy how

much he loves her, but there's nothing there for the child

audience. Far more realistic and definitely more on the

child's side are picture books in which the parent tells

the child that he is loved- unconditionally, and despite the

child's behavior."

“Teaching in elementary school, and watching kids in action, I

came to appreciate how effortlessly kids learn when they play.

Babies learn to talk without taking multiple-choice talking tests.

Toddlers learn to toddle without writing toddling essays. How

do they do it? By playing around. So from teaching I learned to

respect kids as natural learners, supply them with the tools to

learn, and then get out of the way. I learned to inspire instead of

lecture. I learned to trust play. That philosophy is at the heart of

everything I write for kids. I want my readers to laugh, of course.

But then I want them to question, to argue, to wonder- What if?

I want them to play. I want them to learn for themselves.”

-Jon Scieszka

Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men by Leonard Sax- This book has opened me to some of the challenges our boys are facing and what parents can do to help boys succeed.. If you are a mom to a boy, I highly recommend this book. To summarize, the five challenges he thinks boys face are: video games, the feminization of education, overuse of prescription medication (for ADHD), endocrine disruptors in the environment, and the devaluation of masculinity.

Adventures in Gentle Discipline: A Parent-to-Parent Guide by Hilary Flower- I have a toddler, so I'm just getting into the whole world of discipline but I see myself referencing this book for years to come. I have so many pages dog-eared and paragraphs highlighted. My favorite technique I've used from the book is somewhat silly, but I've found it so helpful. When your child is "acting up," say "What are you, one (or whatever the age of your child)?" Just say it to yourself to remind yourself that they are acting in a developmentally appropriate way.

NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman- I've read and enjoyed Po Bronson's other books, so when he came out with a book on the science of parenting just as I was becoming a parent I knew I wanted to read it. It was so interesting that now, a year and a half later, I'm choosing it as my pick for a book club I am in so that I can read it again. It covers a lot of varied topics, such as the damage praise can have on children, the importance of talking about race with your child, language development in infants and toddlers, etc. Read it. Now.

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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be live and updated by afternoon March 8 with all the carnival links.)

• Attachment Parenting in the NICU — Erica at ChildOrganics shares some strategies to help you parent naturally in some unnatural circumstances.
• 10 Reasons to Choose Baby Led Weaning — Luschka from Diary of a First Child shares ten reasons to choose Baby Led Weaning when it comes to solids.
• Choosing to Breastfeed — From selfishness to self-giving, CatholicMommy at Working to be Worthy lists reasons why breast is best for her and her family.
• Ten Things I Wish I Knew About Before Little Man — In this reflective post, The ArstyMama discusses ten things she wishes she knew more about before the birth of her son, Little Man.
• 10 Things That Helped Me Become a Natural Mama — The Accidental Natural Mama counts down ten things that helped her find her moderately crunchy inner mama self.
• Top 10 Reasons to Breastfeed Your Toddler — Extended breast-feeder Kate Wicker of Momopoly makes her own top 10 list for why she loves nursing her 2-year-old.
• Top 10 Tips on Authentic Grandparenting — Mamapoekie of Authentic Parenting offers a list of tips to make the grandparent-parent-child relationship flow smoothly.
• Top Ten "Dad" Things — Liam at In The Now talks about his favourite ways to spend time with his children.
• Top 10 Natural Strategies for Conception (aka How to Get Pregnant!) — Despite facing plenty of health issues, Jessica Claire at Crunchy-Chewy Mama found her way to two first-try pregnancies thanks to these natural strategies.
• Top Ten Reasons Why Home Birth Rocks — Lucy at Dreaming Aloud shares her passion for birthing at home - the natural place for natural birth.
• Top 10 reasons why cloth nappies are fun — Tat at Cloth Nappies Are Fun shows how using cloth nappies can brighten up your day.
• Top Ten Ways to Be Present With Family — Amy at Innate Wholeness shares how to make the most of parenting and family life through being present.
• Top 10 Things In My Arsenal of Kitchen Witchy Mama Tricks. — Joni Rae at Tales of A Kitchen Witch shares with us the simple things she would never want to be missing from her cupboards.
• Top 10 ways I'm not very good at natural parenting (and why I keep trying anyway) — Jenny at Babyfingers shares the ways she is imperfect as a natural parent, and why she embraces natural parenting anyway.
• Top 10 Ways to Know You Are a Natural Parent — So what makes us "natural parents," anyway? A lighthearted look at the Top 10 Ways to Know You Are a Natural Parent by the editors and readers of Natural Parents Network.
• The Top 10 Things Every Natural Household (with children) Should Have — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro shares a list of the most common natural products and remedies she uses for health and cleaning.
• Top 10 books for raising loving, spiritual children — In her 'food for the soul' post, Mrs Green from Little Green Blog shares her favourite spiritual books. No matter what religion you practise, there's something for everyone!
• Top 10 Things No One Told Me About Natural Parenting — Adrienne at Mommying My Way explains that the best things about natural parenting are things she never expected.
• Top 10 Flower Essences for Families — Kim of Nature Baby Bloggings lists her pick of the top ten flower essence which can help ease families through the ups and downs of life.
• My Top Ten Parenting Tools — Amyables at Toddler In Tow names the top ten tools that have been helpful to her while learning to parent respectfully and successfully.
• Ten Ways Families Can Enjoy Nature (for free!) — Spring is nearly in the air, and Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction is dreaming of the fun and frugal ways that her family is going to get out and enjoy nature this summer.
• 10 Reasons We Unschool — Patti at Jazzy Mama explains why unschooling is the right choice for her family.
• Must Read: Natural Parenting Top Ten — Amy at Anktangle wants you to do a little reading! She shares her top ten favorite books to help parents prepare for pregnancy, birth, and parenting.
• Top 10 Breastfeeding Misconceptions — Sheila at A Gift Universe examines ten reasons women give for why they didn't breastfeed as long as they wanted, and shows how these obstacles can be overcome.
• Ten Reasons to Plan a Home Birth — Since a home birth can be an incredibly empowering experience, Leslie at Lights and Letters outlines ten reasons why you should plan to have your baby at home.
• Top Ten Books for Birth, Breastfeeding and Parenting — Megan at Just Me(gan) writes about the ten books that have helped her the most in her natural parenting journey.
• A Top Ten Letter To Me... — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment writes herself a letter of reflections and bits of wisdom she would have liked to know as a new mama.
• Top Ten Mama Necessities Money Can't Buy — Buying baby gear is fun, but Emily at Crunchy(ish) Mama knows real parenting must-haves can't be bought in stores (or even on Amazon).
• Top 10 Books for a Natural Mum — Isil at Smiling like Sunshine talks about her Top 10 Books for a Natural Mum.
• Ten Great Spring Activities To Do With Preschoolers — Kellie at Our Mindful Life and her family have come up with a great list of activities to do together this spring.
• 10 Ways to Reuse Yogurt Containers — Acacia at Fingerpaint & Superheroes keeps the stacks of yogurt containers out of her recycling bin by reusing them in both practical and creative ways.
• Top Ten Ways To Have a Harmonious Home — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares her natural parenting-inspired methods for maintaining a harmonious daily life with her toddler.
• 10 Natural Baby Items I Love — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares product ideas to support your natural parenting.
• The Pandas' Top Five Crunch-osophies — Top five crunchy philosophies, as employed at the Panda Residence by Ana at Pandamoly.
• Top 10 Reasons to Leave Your Son Intact — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children has shared 10 reasons why you should leave your newborn son intact.
• Ten things everyone should know about unassisted homebirth — Olivia at Write About Birth shares practical tips for women considering an unassisted homebirth and debunks some common myths
• 10 Most Popular Ways To Treat Cloth Diaper Stains — Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey gives ten easy tips to make your diapers like new.
• 10 Lessons in 1 Year — Abbie at Farmer's Daughter shares 10 parenting lessons that she has learned throughout her first year of motherhood.
• Top 10 Ways to Get Breastfeeding Off To a Good Start — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes shares 10 effective ways to ensure breastfeeding gets off to a good start.
• Top 10 Ways to Avoid a Time-Out — If you are uncomfortable using time-outs in an attempt to control your child's behavior, try one of these gentler alternatives. Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares her Top 10 Ways to Avoid a Time-Out.
• My Top 10 Parenting Scriptures — Dulce de leche is learning to integrate faith and parenting. Whether it is breastfeeding, babywearing, comforting her children, or gentle discipline, she finds that the Bible has beautiful passages to encourage her on her journey.
• Natural Cleaning Ideas - Top 10 — Laura at Laura's Blog lists the ways she keeps her house clean and clear of chemicals.
• My Top Ten (plus two) Life Altering and Growth Inspiring Books — A top ten list of books from MJ at Wander Wonder Discover that changed her life as an individual, a parent, and an earth dweller.
• Top 10 Ways to Use Natural Parenting for Children with Special Needs — Danielle at Mommy Makes Cents feeds the needs of her family and special needs child through the use of Natural Parenting.
• Ten Fundamentals — Seonaid at The Practical Dilettante gets philosophical with a list of the fundamentals that drive her natural parenting.
• 10 reasons why I chose breast over bottles — Becky at Old New Legacy writes a quick list of why she chose breast over bottles.
• Top Ten Natural Tools for the Work of Play — Lori at Beneath the Rowan Tree offers insight into 10 natural toys that will span the early years (and save you money).
• 10 differences between pregnancy and parenting in Japan and the US — Megan at Ichigo Means Strawberry gives her impressions about differences in pregnancy and parenting in Japan and the US.
• Natural Parenting Benny & Bex Style — Pecky at Benny and Bex explains why Natural Parenting principles work best for her boys.
• Top 10 Reasons to Co-Sleep — 10 practical, emotional, and completely selfish reasons to co-sleep and share a family bed from Lily, aka Witch Mom.
• My Top Ten New Mommy Moments — Melissa at The New Mommy Files recounts the ten most memorable moments of her daughter's first year.
• Top Ten Things Every Breastfeeding Mother Needs to Know — Kristen at Adventures in Mommyhood believes knowledge is power and wants all moms to be well informed.
• Top 10 Nursing Positions / Situations — Momma Jorje uses her 5½ years of nursing experience to share her Top 10 Nursing Positions/Situations. She includes some adorable photos of her youngest daughter at the breast.
• Ten Top Ways to Connect Kids with Nature — Terri from Child at the Nature Isle offers 10 ways to immerse ourselves in the natural world and develop a love affair with the Earth.
• Top 10 Slacker Ways to Natural Parent — Guavalicious is happy to show you how to parent naturally the slacker way.
• Simply what it looks like — Andrea!!! from Ella-Bean & Co. offers a glimpse into natural parenting through the eyes of mama and babe.
• Top Ten Reasons Why Natural Parenting Dads Are So Attractive — Nada at miniMOMist sure digs her husband, but it's not just his good looks -- it's his parenting!
• 10 Family Systems and Routines That Work for Us — See what routines, organizational systems, and parenting approaches work for Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings to help avoid conflict and maintain sanity in a family with three young children.
• Top 10 reasons to choose midwifery care — Lauren at Hobo Mama lists the features that drew her to midwives' care for pregnancy and birth.
• 10 Ways to Cloth Diaper on a Budget — Michelle at The Parent Vortex shares her best thrifty cloth diapering tips.
• Ten Reasons it Felt Sew Good To Make My Own Play Food — Brittany at Mama's Felt Cafe lists her 10 (OK, 11) favorite reasons to grab a needle and start sewing your own felt play toys.
• Top10 Ways to Spark Interest, Learn, and Have Fun With Everyday Tasks! — Bethy at Bounce Me to the Moon gives you her top 10 ways of incorporating fun and lessons into everyday tasks and chores.
• Postpartum Gift Ideas — Alicia at I Found My Feet suggests a top 10 list of gifts for mother's after giving birth.
• My Top Ten Shows Worthy Of Screen Time — Tree at Mom Grooves shares her top ten list of shows that she believes are positive, educational, kind, joyful, and a nice way to share some downtime with your children.
• The Top 10 Ways to Succeed as an Working Attachment Parent — That Mama Gretchen shares tried and true ways to succeed with attachment parenting even when working away from home during the day.
• Top Ten Books for Natural Parenting — Pregnancy, herbs, cooking, and healthcare the ten books Asha at Meta Mom the most.
• Preparing for a Hospital VBAC: My Top 10 — Thomasin at Propson Palingenesis shares 10 ways she's preparing for her upcoming hospital VBAC.
• Top Ten New Mom Survival Tools — Wolfmother shares her most beloved motherhood survival tools at Fabulous Mama Chronicles.
• Top 10 Montessori Principles for Natural Learning — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now gives her top 10 list of Montessori principles parents can use to encourage their children s natural learning.
• Going Granola — Tashmica from The Mother Flippin' Blog describes the 10 ways that natural parenting sneaked up on her. She never expected to go all granola on the world.
• Step Away From the Amazon List — Stefanie at Very, Very Fine wishes she hadn't bought so much useless stuff.

Book Review: Room by Emma Donoghue

This book has been on my to-read list since it came out. I knew it was a story of a long-term kidnapping with a child born into the situation, and that the book was written from his 5 year old perspective. Can you even imagine? I definitely couldn't and so this book was so much more than I thought. The story of Ma's kidnapping, captivity and their escape is all interesting. I got so much more than an entertaining reading session or two.

I got a look at what solo-parenting would really look like. Not just single parenting, but full on solo-parenting. No one to help you, no parenting books, nothing. I'm so glad I'll never have to do that. Before the escape, I thought to myself while reading about how hard it must have been for Ma. After the escape, I realized just how abnormal it is and how important it is to have a supportive family or community behind you as a parent.

Along those lines, Ma does some things as a parent that society doesn't agree with once they hear about it. For one, she never cuts his hair. People call him a girl as they start to venture out. The biggest things, though, were co-sleeping (except when the kidnapper came at night) and extended breastfeeding. They just can't believe he is still breastfed. Yes, he is 5. It made sense to me, though. All of these things change, slowly, after the escape. His adjustment to the world was actually heart-breaking to read. It's so hard for him that he at first just wants to go back to Room.

I read a lot. Many books are interesting while I am reading, but soon forgotten. I already know that Room will stay with me for a long time. It made me think about my parenting style and it's helping me have more empathy for Brayden and all other children.

911

I'll start out simply: I joined the 911 club last weekend. Everyone is fine, but I feel like I have to get my feelings about it sorted out.

I was doing laundry and went out to switch the loads. Our laundry is in a storage room right off our main entrance. Ever since Brayden learned to go down the stairs, he would make a run for it if I left the door open while I switched it. I came back in and B wasn't in the front room where he had been. I walked thru the condo and didn't see or hear him. Our condo is small, so that took less than a minute. I immediately started worrying that either I haf left the door open or he had opened it himself and headed down the stairs without me noticing. We are really close to the stream that runs thru Millcreek and Murray, so I got really nervous. I ran out the door and down the stairs over to the stream in just my socks. I couldn't see him, so I ran back up to check again. I was frantic by this point. I looked thru the condo again, deeper, calling him the whole time. Nothing. I grabbed the phone, stopped by the door and threw my shoes on as fast as I could. It felt like it had been longer, but it really had only been 3-4 minutes. I dialed the numbers I have never had to dial as I ran back outside to look again. It was definitely not like in the movies. It took forever (at least it felt like it did). I had to repeat my address twice I was so out-of-breath from running back and forth, up and down. After looking around again, I headed back upstairs for the second time. They dispatched me to the Unified Police Department and the call connected right as I opened the door to see Brayden. He was right by the door coming out from behind a coat rack and chair. I told the officer it was fine and that I had found him.

And now for the complicated stuff: my feelings about the whole ordeal. When I told Adam about it, he basically thought I had called too soon. That I should have known he can't open the door on his own yet and that he must have just been hiding from me. Well, yes, he has never opened the door on his own, but he has also never hid from me for more than 5 seconds without peeking out and saying "boo." All I knew is that there was a chance he was outside and I wasn't going to risk it. Yes, it was more logical he was hiding, but sometimes logic is thrown out the window in parenting. I would do it again in a heartbeat.

From now on, I'll be taking my key with me and locking the door when I go to switch the laundry. He hasn't hid from me again. thank goodness, but I don't want to risk that worry again.

Lessons learned...

just this week alone.

We went to SLC's live broadcast of Jon Stewart's Rally to Restore Sanity, and his speech made me realize that I am sometimes part of the problem. It's important to be respectful, even when we have differences. I will admit to not having the best attitude towards pundits like Glenn Beck and their fans. The signs were pretty fun, the music was entertaining, but Stewart's speech was amazing. Please watch it if you haven't already. It all had an effect on me, butit felt like a punch in the gut when he said "If you amplify everything, you hear nothing." I have been guilty of that. I have a lot to learn apparently, as if that wasn't clear already. On a side note, here are some of the signs I liked (from the SLC rally):






The next lesson I've learned is from this new blog (vlog?) I've been watching called Mompetition. It's all about the "mommy wars." Which is admittedly, another trap I've fallen into. The first video is the best. I've learned from this blog that no mom is perfect and that we (for the most part) are all trying our best. I do believe in things like natural birth, breastfeeding, etc but need to remember that my way doesn't work for everybody.


And lastly... don't go watch Life As We Know It on a date with your husband if you are prone to having anxiety about either losing your baby or leaving your baby parentless. Cute romance, but I was crying for half the movie.

Dr. Brayden

Here are just a few of the many "psychiatric tips" Brayden has taught me, some serious and some silly:

-Slow down and enjoy life. How has he taught me this? Well, for one, he is growing up too fast and I don't want to miss anything. Also, when he tries to be independent everything takes longer so I've learned to enjoy watching him learn over being annoyed that we are "wasting time."

-Nursing him taught me to have faith in myself that I was providing the best for him and enough as well.

-He's taught me to say no. I don't like saying no to people, but I've had to do it quite a bit now that he's around.

-Walk around like you own the situation and people will respond (of course, that could just be because of the cuteness of said baby).

-And lastly (for this post anyways), he's taught me to embrace my inner child. I love kicking the ball with him, or reading him a book, or even watching Sesame Street. He really does just live life to the fullest, and I'm glad I get to tag along.

I Want To Be The Kind Of Mom Who...

I have a book I checked out from the library called 101 Things Every Kid Should Do Growing Up and looking through it reminded me of a feature on a blog I like to read called Simply Radiant. I decided to copy her idea to keep track of some of the things I want to do as a mom. I really loved some of her ideas, which included having readathons, making at least one homemade gift for birthdays and Christmas (I didn't for Christmas, but made him photo blocks of his family for his birthday), participating in a mother-son book club, having trade-in coupons for Halloween candy(staying up late, a glass of hot chocolate, etc), and printing some of the toys on this Toy-A-Day blog. I also want to check these books out from the library for more ideas: 101 Things You Gotta Do Before You're 12!, 101 Places You Gotta See Before You're 12! and 1001 Children's Books You Must Read Before You Grow Up. Without further ado, here are some of the ideas I got from the book.

-I want to be the kind of mom who helps her family participate in service and make the world a better place. I love this idea for teaching children about donating.

-I want to be the kind of mom who plans fun adventures for her kids like camping in the backyard, going on "pajama rides" where you wake them up for a late-night drive and treat, etc.




I want to be the kind of mom who allows my child to make choices, decisions and mistakes. Easier said then done, right? Especially with the mistakes. I think it's important though.

-I want to be the kind of mom who lets their child decorate their own room.

-I want to be the type of mom who helps facilitate learning. For example, I want to go on a trip to D.C. and other Eastern historical sights after Brayden starts learning about U.S. history.

-I want to be the kind of mom who has fun traditions in place. I love this idea for the Christmas season and I have some ideas for fall I want to do like making caramel apples, painting/carving pumpkins, etc.

Burp rags and bibs

After Brayden fell into his much-needed naptime slumber, I set about cleaning up after the awesomeness and mess that was yesterday. After finishing the front room, I began working on his room since I needed to find places for and put away all of his gifts he received for his very first birthday. I was having a hard time finding homes for everything when I realized... there was a whole drawer full of burp rags and bibs that hadn't been touched in months.

I've always been emotional when packing up the clothes he has grown out of, but I was even more so today packing these bunches of cloth up. Their dismissal brings about another finale of his babyhood, they are a prop he no longer needs. Just before I started to cry however, my boy awoke and wanted to nurse immediately. I remembered what I wrote on his birthday and looked at him cuddled up to me and realized he's still my baby for a little while longer.

Defending motherhood

I've read two different stories in the news this week that have really made me defensive of motherhood.

Jillian Michaels

I know I've praised her before. I love the show The Biggest Loser and her workout dvds are definitely worth buying. Then she started peddling diet pills and I thought a little less of her. Now she is on the cover of this month's Women's Health magazine. She said this:

“I’m going to adopt. I can’t handle doing that to my body."

Are you serious? Don't get me wrong, I am all for adoption. I just think that as a public figure and fitness expert, she's seen as a role model and her attitude doesn't seem like the portrayal of someone with a healthy body image. I realize she was overweight and has worked hard to lose weight and keep it off. I lost over 50 lbs right before getting pregnant, and it has been a huge struggle for me physically, emotionally and mentally to deal with this yo-yo losing, gaining and trying to lose it again. However, it has been worth every stretch mark, every ugly thought about my body, every extra pound. I used to think she was a strong person, but now I think every woman who has given birth or is willing to do so is stronger than her.

Baby as tyrant

Elisabeth Badinter, a French philsopher and feminist, has written a book taking the whole "motherhood is oppression" idea one step further. She claims that women now are allowing their infants to take over their lives by breastfeeding, cloth diapering, making homemade baby food, etc. There are so many ridiculous comment I can't just pick one:

“It may seem derisory but powdered milk, jars of baby food and disposable nappies were all stages in the liberation of women.”

About breastfeeding- “This worries me, because we are creating another model of motherhood where the mother is with her baby 24 hours a day for at least six months. This is a model that eats the personal part of each woman as an individual.”

“These new feminists (the contemporary American feminist movement) say that we have hidden and undervalued the essence of women, which is motherhood" but this is wrong because “it shuts the sexes in different circles,” leaving the women isolated in parenthood.

Are you serious? I have reached a whole new understanding and appreciation for womanhood after becoming a mother. I'm not oppressed because I choose to breastfeed. I am enlightened. So thanks for worrying about me, Elisabeth, but I'm just fine. I'm better than fine. Sure, there are moments I wish it were easier to go out with my husband and moments I wish for the carefree life I had pre-Brayden, but overall...

I'm the happiest I have ever been.

Inspired

I am so inspired tonight. Adam and I went to the gym earlier. Now what I'm about to say may at first sound discriminatory towards older people or people with disabilities, but I promise it isn't. So, there were a lot of old people there and that actually really inspired me. You know, they're 60+ and they are not giving up on their bodies. They are doing all they can so that they enjoy life and can have more of it. I also saw a man there leaving after swimming that only had one leg. And then when I was on the elliptical machine an old man with only one arm got on the one next to me. It really was a "slap in the face" moment because I realized that even with all their challenges they have probably been taking better care of their bodies than I had been.

I was also inspired tonight by Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution. I have been so excited for this show, and he did not disappoint. I have got to make sure that Brayden knows what real food is and will eat it and like it. I know that will only happen if Adam and I eat real food more often than processed food. I will say that I think I have might great strides in this, because my whole family will tell you just how picky I was. If you didn't watch this show, I urge you to. His passion for healthy living was so evident and so inspiring!

Parenting

I'm in the midst of trying to organize our home, and I found the advice cards guests wrote at my baby shower. Now, many moms were wise and wrote things like "Enjoy them now, they grow fast." Heck yeah, they do. I love all those. However, I think my very favorite one comes from Adam's 9 year old (10 now) cousin named Camille. Her advice was to "Make him laugh! Look for lady bugs and always have ice cream!"

Don't you just love it to pieces?

SAHM

I'm sure it's obvious from my hint, but my big news is that I quit my job. I am so many conflicting thoughts and emotions about it and I really have no way to write about it in any sort of clear way. For my sake, though, here are some of my crazy thoughts.

-I consider myself very much to be a feminist. At the same time, I have no problem with women choosing to stay at home. It's all about choice for me.
-I am having a hard time accepting that I will basically be a stay at home mom (disclaimer: I already have a babysitting job lined up and in a month I will start being a sub for the library system, so I will work some, but will basically be home). Again, I feel every woman should have the choice (or couple really- I'm also okay with the man staying home). But I SERIOUSLY never thought I would stay home. I have multiple friends who can attest to that since they heard about it all throughout my pregnancy and probably even before that. All I can say as that I'm learning to never say never. I had no idea how I would feel when I became a mom, and I shouldn't have assumed.
-I still feel a little guilty about it though, because I told Adam all this time I was going to be fine working. He has been amazing though, and accepts me for me. I've changed in a lot of ways since we married and he has gone with the flow for the most part, which I am so grateful for.

So anyways, starting tomorrow I have at least 2 weeks before the babysitting starts and a month before the subbing and I hope to enjoy it. I have a lot of goals too since I feel like I've let a lot of things slide while trying to balance Brayden and work. We'll see how long this new phase will last, but I will try to enjoy it as well as I can and make it a fun time for Brayden.

pet peeve

I hate when people ask me if I have a good baby! I'm sure they mean well, and are just curious... but still, it annoys me because you have to wonder if they actually think babies are ever bad. According to their standards, mine just might be. He doesn't sleep through the night, he's very arm-spoiled, he's into everything with all his new mobility, and he's very clingy and wary of strangers right now. I would never classify him as bad though. Babies are babies, and they have needs. If their needs are not being met, then of course they will cry and attempt to communicate that with you. That does not make them bad.

I've been trying to think of clever retorts, like:

"No, he's bad." or
"Well, he hasn't ended up in prison yet." or
"We like him." or
"He's good at being a baby, if that's what you mean."

For the record: I don't mind loved ones asking if he's had a good or bad day. I also know people slip up and ask the typical questions that if they actually stopped to think about they would realize it's a dumb question. I know I asked it before I had a baby of my own. I know I assumed so many things before I had a child of my own so I can't blame people. I was also of the mindset back then that breastfeeding vs. formula feeding didn't really matter, that you should never let your baby sleep with you, and that some babies were brats. Now I know how wrong that was to think however, and I just think this question of whether babies are good perpetuates that idea.

To end on a happy note, look at this beautiful picture and these wonderful words of advice (written to dads but applicable to moms, grandparents, aunts, uncles and any and all other caregivers):




Instructions: Dads, please read carefully before raising. This is a baby. It needs you. It needs your love, your touch, and your time. Spend lots of time with it. Build a bird house. Read a book. Go for a walk. Do homework. Play. The more time you spend, the better chance it has of growing up happy and healthy. It grows very quickly. Pay attention. Never underestimate the difference you make. It takes a man to be a dad.

Review: The Eco-nomical Baby Guide

After I decided to switch to cloth diapers, I started reading up on "going green." One website I found and came to love is The Green Baby Guide. The women who run the website, Joy Hatch and Rebecca Kelley, are releasing a book called The Eco-nomical Baby Guide and I was lucky enough to receive a copy to review here on my blog.

First things first- this book is beautiful! It features illustrations by someone with the alias woolypear, and they are just plain wonderful.

Most importantly, however, is the information contained in this book. It really is a great guide for someone with a young baby who is open to the idea of giving their baby a "green" start in life. I'll start with all the info on cloth diapers, since that is a major focus of the book. I assumed it wouldn't teach me much since I had been using cloth diapers for 4 months or so. I was dead wrong. And even if you don't use cloth (I know many of you don't), these work as general laundry tips as well. I had been following the directions I received when I bought the cloth diapers- to first run a rinse cycle in cold water and then a full cycle in hot water. Well, that has now stopped. In fact, I don't wash hardly anything in hot water anymore... I wonder why I did so often. And I'm going to attempt skipping the extra rinse too, unless a diaper is really bad. The next step I'm going to take will be harder since I am in a condo, but I'm going to try to put a clothesline up on my balcony to dry some of the diapers and use the sun to get rid of stains. See, these are tips anybody could use!

One statement the book made hit me hard: "Our lifestyles have turned parenthood into an industry like anything else." Seeing as when I read this, I was beginning to plan Brayden's first birthday party in my mind (yes, the birthday that is still over 4 months away and that he won't even remember). I so fall into the materialistic trap. It's one way I'm a major hypocrite and I know I need to work on that. This book had some great and simple ideas to help the environment, your wallet and ultimately your child. Some of the ones I'm going to work on are:

buying things secondhand whenever I can
keeping our thermostat at better temps
get one of the houseplants that reduces household toxins
make my own cleaning solutions (I already do laundry detergent)

I only wish I had read this book before I had Brayden. I may have started using cloth diapers sooner, but more importantly I could have worked on being a less materialistic parent.