Good Things Utah just asked "Should a woman take her husband's name when she marries?" There were actually a lot of good answers like...
Only if they want to.
I think either way works. It's all in what the couple is comfortable with.
Being Utah, though, you know there's gonna be some crazy answers thrown in there...
Yes, it shows TOTAL commitment ..
Oh, I didn't know it was that something that isn't even in the traditional marriage ceremony is THE thing that shows total commitment above everything else.
If a woman doesn't take her husbands name it sounds like she isn't sure the marriage will last.
Really? The only reason for a woman to keep her name is because she thinks the marriage won't last? Maye, just maybe, she's lazy (some women admitted they hadn't because of that). It's a lot of work to change your name. Some women feel it's feminist principle, so they don't. Nothing is wrong with that.
If he asks you to marry him and devote spending the rest of his life with you, then the least you could do is have the same last name as your husband!! Duh! :)
So, in this scenario, the woman is so lucky that a man has deigned to spend the rest of his life with her. She's apparently not making that same choice and giving him that same gift. No, the gift she is giving her husband is taking his name. Okay then.
This was my favorite answer: Haven't we evolved past this? There is no should or should not, only what the involved persons choose for themselves and their relationship.
Full disclosure: I took Adam's last name when we got married. I also dropped my middle name and made my maiden name my middle name. It was my choice.
How about you?
7 comments:
I took Bart's name and dropped my maiden name.
I feel like it was the right thing for our family, but. . .it was still really hard for me to give up my maiden name.
I'm in the lazy group. For casual stuff, I use my husband's last name. For legal junk, I use my maiden name. I love my maiden name and I feel it aptly describes a large part of who I am. I do not think I'll ever change it because of that (and the lazy thing. Hey - it costs money to change your name, too!)
I should specify I don't think it's bad to change your name. If I hadn't before this point, I would have considered it more seriously after having kids. I just don't agree with those answers on why every woman should, because it's a personal choice each woman needs to make.
Okay, lets see if I can create a portion of the super long and most excellent post ever eaten by the internet that was typed on an eensy weensy Blackberry keypad...
Thank you for this thought-provoking post. I love that final answer you posted and for some of the others, I'm shaking my head.
The feminist in me chose convenience. I think part of feminism is freedom of choice without Judgey Mcjudgersons. My original last name was one letter off from two very common last names. So, I spent my pre-married life constantly recorrecting people, sending back forms (including my college diploma twice) because people saw the name they expected to see, not the actual name.
My husband's last name is short and easy, unlike the man who is tall and complicated. The combo was good enough for me.
I saw this the other day and almost commented. I have way more thoughts than is probably appropriate.
On the one hand, I don't see why getting married should involve a name change. On the other hand, it seems like it would be really confusing if we didn't--but I'm 90% sure that that's only because this is how we've done it for so long.
I took Mike's last name, and I find myself wishing sometimes that I hadn't. It's been three years and "Miri Shorten" still doesn't sound as natural to me as "Miri Gifford." I feel like I lost something when I stopped using my maiden name.
This is in spite of the fact that I technically didn't get rid of it--my official name now, on my Social Security card, is Miri Kayla Gifford Shorten. Both my middle name and my maiden name were really important to me and I refused to get rid of either.
All of which is to say two things:
1--We could end the practice entirely and I'd be happy.
2--I agree with everyone else who's said that it's entirely up to each woman and what she wants. I absolutely don't think a woman should feel obligated for any of the ridiculous reasons you posted from other commenters.
I really believe it is a personal choice, for me I couldn't wait to share Steve's last name. It made me feel more like a couple/family.
Growing up I always thought it would be cool to have a new last name.. Plus Dysart got slaughtered a LOT.. My Mom even got a piece of mail once addressed to Ferril Dryfart (her name is Sherril). Then we'd get people asking us if it was Greek... umm no.. it's Scottish lol.
I think sometimes a woman really SHOULD NOT change their name, for instance when the guys last name is horrible (kind of like Julia Gulia from the Wedding Singer).. Or if the last name (don't want to offend anynone here) like Dickey or Hog, Butdorf (seriously there was a kid on our street growing up with that name).. A name you know people would laugh at, or your kids would get made fun of. In such instances, I would hope the guy would want to change their last name to the woman's, or hey even find a new last name if it comes to that!
OH I love the one that said Duh at the end. Yes the least a woman could do was take his name. I mean he is sacrificing so much so she shouldn't make it harder on him? Oh my, makes me a bit scared to move back to Utah. Actually I think people are coming around and that more and more think outside the box. I just think many people who are feminist or liberal thinkers in Utah stay silent more than not.
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