Crazy

My life has just been so crazy and unordinary the last 6 months and especially the last few weeks. See, we found out I was pregnant at the end of October (and I am due in July). We both graduate in just a few weeks; although that has had its crazy moments where we thought Adam might not be able to. We have been wondering about our post-baby living situations since I got pregnant. While it is cheap, living with family is stressful and we never planned on doing it after we graduated anyways. The last few weeks we started looking at places online. Last week, we went out with Adam's aunt who is a realtor to look at condos and houses. We put an offer on a condo and they accepted! We close on May 15h, as long as everything goes according to plan. I wanted to jot down some of my feelings about all that has happened. It's all jumbled in my mind, so that's how you're going to get it too:

-We've been married 6 years in June. We have gone to school the whole time- both of us slowly working our way through rather than only one of us being able to go. It will feel so weird to not be a student. I don't want to be boastful, but I know how to be a student. I'm good at it (except when it comes to ASL). Teachers like me, and I like school for the most part. I am so ready to be done, but I know that won't last. And when the time comes that I am ready, I will go back for my Masters.

-I know we're older than a lot of first-time parents in Utah, and we've been married for a good amount of time, it still feels weird knowing we will be parents in just 3 months.

-Being a parent and a homeowner scares me. I worry about screwing up my child, about affording all the costs that come with a baby and a home, and I worry about a million other things regarding our baby and now our condo (hoping I'm not jinxing it by referring to it as "our condo").

-Our family has just been us for the whole time we've been married. Like I already mentioned, we've been in school the whole time we've been married. We've lived at his parents' home for over 3 years. And suddenly, in the time span of this coming May-July, all of that will be changing. I feel like my life 3 months from now will be so unrecognizable from my life today.

-I know my life will be different for the better. I am very happy about these changes (along with worried) and excited for them. However, I have this nagging voice in my head telling me I don't deserve to be this blessed. I know logically that I deserve my degree, but I have a hard time believing I deserve to be a parent or to be a homeowner.

If you got this far, welcome to the craziness that has been going on in my brain lately.