Black and white

I read an extremely moving article in the Salt Lake Tribune yesterday that taught me a very important lesson.

In short, a former U of U professor was in an accident that nearly ended his life. His wife just happens to be a medical ethicist who has spent her entire career exploring end-of-life issues such as euthanasia and DNR orders. She has written numerous essays and given multiple speeches on these very topics, and she thought she knew exactly how she felt on the subject. But a subject that had always been abstract suddenly turned personal. The article by Peggy Fletcher Stack is so well-written. Here are some quotes I especially liked:

She knew by heart the arguments for not resuscitating fatally injured patients. She had defended vigorously a person's right to be the final architect of his own death. Yet she also knew her husband well enough to believe he would want to live even if completely paralyzed. But what if he hadn't? Could she have signed a do-not-resuscitate order? Or worse, if he asked her to help him end his life, could she have done it?

Hopkins' life-altering accident on Nov. 14, Battin says, "has presented me more than an intellectual challenge to the views I've been defending over the years. It is a deeply personal, profoundly self-confronting challenge."

At first after an accident, many people with spinal-cord injuries say they want to die. Research shows that if they make it to the end of the first year, most are ready to embrace life as it is. Even in his darkest moments, Hopkins has never wanted to end his life. He has a fierce desire to continue on, seeing his limitations as an "adventure."

But what if he told Battin he couldn't go on?

"You can't imagine anything more intensely personal, because I love this person," she says, her voice cracking, tears in her eyes. "But there are two components to love -- love is partly wanting to be with him, but it's also wanting what's best for him and wanting to want what he wants. What he wants and needs might be different from my self-interests."

This article taught me that you can ponder and debate an issue all you want, and say that you know exactly what you would do or want done in that situation, but you really don't know until you are placed in the situation. She fully admits that even though she has argued for a person's right to die, if her husband had wanted to die she wouldn't know if she could help him gain that right. Their story is very moving, and it can be followed more in depth at their blog site.

I just want to always remember that things are not necessarily black and white. There is grey area, and you may not see that area until you are in the situation yourself.