Shyness

I am so sick of being shy. You know, I don't even know if that's the right word. Here's my problem: I have the hardest time talking in groups of strangers. I have gotten through high school, a church calling that had me speak in at least 4 big groups, and college Literature classes where everyone is supposed to speak up without getting over this fear. Last week I went to the Salt Lake La Leche League meeting and didn't really say anything beyond the introduction everyone had to say. I explained it away in my mind by saying it was a lot of people and that was why. Apparently not, because I went to Murray's chapter of the group today and the same thing happened. I thought of plenty of things to say, but never spoke up. I know a lot about breastfeeding and I am passionate about it, yet I couldn't speak up. Same thing in college- I am passionate about literature and know a lot about it, but I hardly ever took part in class discussions. In fact, I got a B+ in a class where all my work had been graded with an A and that was simply because I did not participate enough. Now that I am done with school for now, I have thought about joining a book club, but I know it wouldn't be any different than school was. I may read the book, love it, and think of a lot to say but not say anything when it comes down to it.

I need to change. I need to be confident in order to help Brayden be confident himself. I am sick of someone saying exactly what I was thinking in class and getting complimented on it by the teacher. I'm sick of holding myself back. I'm smart. What I have to say is worthwhile, yet around strangers I suddenly feel stupid or something. They only hold LLL meetings once a month, but I am going to go to the next one and I am going to speak up. I have to do this.